Myself and I.
The year I was born. This was the year that U Can't Touch This by MC Hammer dominated the charts and Pretty Woman was the highest-grossing film (closely followed by Misery, which could be considered foreshadowing). I hear that most people don't know what they're doing with their life until they're in their 30s. In my case, I found this to be correct.
The year I attempted boarding school and hated it, so I left after 3 months. The girls were mean and my matron looked like one of Roald Dahl's Witches. My uniform was royal blue and it disgusted me. Sometimes bats would fly into my dorm at night and it was terrifying. The lunch hall always smelt like eggs and I hated everyone in the building, including the building itself. Which was unreasonable, because it was very pretty.
The year I went to Leeds College of Art & Design. I highly recommend this course. It's difficult and testing, much like The Army I imagine, but with paintbrushes instead of helmets. You will say 'But I could do that!' a lot and start to be quite a little judgmental artsy bitch. You'll moan about Damien Hirst. You will preach about Helvetica Condensed Bold. It's very cold in Leeds. People like tea and deep-fried things. They will mock your accent and you will mock theirs in return.
I specialised in Graphic Design. 3 people out of 280 left with Distinctions, I was one of them. This was because I chose Pritt sticks and Fineliners over a social life.
The year I graduated from Bucks Ad School with a Certificate of Commendation for Copywriting. Apparently they use my dissertation as the prototype. This makes me very proud because I wrote it in bed on my laptop, didn't move for about 3 weeks and consequently gained 2 stone which took the next 2 years to shift. If you ever find yourself reading the original copy, it is most certainly smeared in tears, biscuit crumbs and a thin layer of sweat.
My dissertation was titled 'Is Advertising Bad For You?' I concluded that yes, it is. I also won a YCN Award this year for Heinz Salad Cream.
The same year, I got an internship writing for MTV. After 2 weeks I began presenting MTV. I did this for a year and a half. I thought I was going to be famous...
I began presenting an online weekly series known as 'The 4:01 Show'. It had over 21,000 subscribers, which at the time was huge (and still is, to be fair). I interviewed many people. I signed to Insanity Talent Group. I did some voice overs, I presented some more things. I worked for some great brands. This was probably the most exciting year of my life. I got a lot of free stuff, for not doing much at all. It's quite an uncomfortable feeling; suddenly everyone wants to know you and half of them are simply pretending to care.
This is the year I decided fame wasn't for me. Nope, no thank you very much. I worked in retail, walked some dogs and went back to university to study Psychotherapy. This is the year it became apparent that
I didn't know what I was doing with my life.
I began working for a startup in their creative department. This same year I presented and produced a YouTube series of interviews called The Ones. I'm very proud of it. You can watch the episodes here.
This will always be known as 'The Year I appeared on BBC Newsnight'. I wrote an article called 'Instagram is Ruining Our Brains'.
I uploaded the article in the morning, the very same evening I was asked to form part of the discussion panel on Newsnight. The topic was The Negative Effects of Social Media. I'm still traumatised. Live TV is the worst.
This is also the year I worked for Twickenham Film Studios as Creative Content Manager. This roughly translates as: I came up with ideas, wrote things and made things look pretty, all whilst being hilarious and engaging on social media.
The film industry is a strange place. I bear many secrets. And NDAs.
Having spent a huge chunk of this year stuck at home due to a
I began working on a book proposal. In July, I got a publishing deal.
Nearly the entire year was spent at my desk, talking to myself and working on the book.
I'm a freelance copywriter. This means I have a way with words. Contrary to popular belief, it does not mean I write the Terms & Conditions of things.
In December, I received my second publishing deal. I guess I can call myself an author now.
My first book How To Make Work Not Suck came out in May.
I hope you read it and I hope it makes you laugh. If it doesn't, screw you. It wasn't meant for you anyway.