"Perfect Nonsense".

The following is a script for Heinz Salad Cream. The idea is that the words 'salad cream' to describe a sauce actually makes no sense at all. It won the 2012 YCN Award. Read aloud, in the voice of David Attenborough.

The wonderful world of names is really quite absurd, for have you heard

that there is a word for insects that is ladybird?

Have you ever, because I have never, been greeted with a pine in my apple.

It really is quite dandy, and something quite outstanding that a lion and a flower,

should be crossed with one another.

Oh the words of one, are but never done, can you imagine the delight that butter had,

when introduced to the nut that then was squashed?

Oh by gosh!

It really is a mad world out there,

for the day that lettuce met a cow; for only Jim knows how.

From their meeting grew a glorious concoction; a substance most boggling.

With a zing and a zang and a yum and a pang; a taste was born.

Enjoyed on crumpets and chips, aeroplanes and ships; a flavour that travels the world.

To be had by little boys and little girls,

brothers and sisters, misses and misters;

make of it what you will.

On riverbanks, mountains, deserts and dunes;

whether this side of earth or the other side of the moon.

Any place or time is perfectly fine

to embrace the taste that is so divine.

You know what we mean when we say Salad Cream.

It makes perfect nonsense.