How to spot
a creative
1. Order your latte 'wet'. This will not only demonstrate that you are a coffee guru; but you'll appear cultured and dignified.
2. Replace your love of fizzy drinks with macha tea (the fresh powder from Whole Foods or Planet Organic, not the pre-packaged stuff).
3. Sprinkle everything with flax seeds. If these aren't to your liking,
try pomegranate molasses.
4. Learn to say 'fuck' at any given opportunity. The use of profanities allows you to fool people into thinking you're passionate about your ideas.
If you’re feeling extra bold, go with ‘cunt’ instead.
5. Watch TED talks in your spare time. Then boast about the fact that you
watch TED talks in your spare time.
6. Start conversations with 'Have you seen [insert name of documentary here]'?
A safe bet is 'To Catch a Killer' or 'The Staircase'.
Heated conversation will ensue.
7. Get a reusable charcoal-infused water bottle.
8. Buy some spectacles. But, don't select a pair with the brand's logo on the side. This is not what creatives do.
9. Get very angry (possibly violent) whenever you see Comic Sans in public.
10. Start collecting stuff. How about one of the following:
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Vintage comic books
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Rubber ducks from foreign lands
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Sharpies
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Chinese waving good luck cats
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Books on vegan living
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Terracotta pots that look cheap, but you got them for £50
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Skateboard decks
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Miniature terrariums
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Bamboo toothbrushes
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Propaganda Art
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Chopstick holders
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Vintage cameras
11. Snack on edamame.
12. Get a bike. Preferably teal or pistachio colour with delicate handle bars.
It should cost over £1000. Only then will your peers take you seriously.
13. Everyone eats avocados. You are not everyone. You're different and special. Adopt a new favourite healthy thing. Consider pears.
14. Start collecting spices like zaatar and harissa and storing them
in jars with cork lids.
15. Walk around famous art galleries at the weekend -
get frustrated at how shit everything is.
16. Spend all your money on plants. Especially monsteras.
17. Delete your Facebook account. Privatize you Instagram account.
Hate TikTok.
18. Invest in mis-matched dinner plates. Collect imperfect bowls.
19. Host fermenting parties at weekends.
20. Adopt a love of mid-century furniture.
21. Drink out of metal straws only.
22. Learn what 'kerning' means.
23. Cover your leftover food in beeswax wrapper.
24. Do your Air Force 1s or New Balance 500s look scruffy? Good.
You must appear to lead an adventure-filled life.
25. Pick one:
You either have no tattoos (because un-marked skin is pure and less common),
or you're covered in ink. If you choose the latter, one must be of a tree.
Or, it must be something totally mindless and meaningless, like a skeleton
on a skateboard drinking a can of Vimto.
26. Listen to a Tribe Called Quest
27. Creatives always have great socks on. If you're a guy -
borrow your girlfriend’s.
28. Get yourself a transportable environmentally-friendly coffee cup.
29. Don't go anywhere without a tote bag; one from Kew Gardens
or a music festival is good.
30. Pretend you're getting an idea even when you're not. Pick up a Moleskin notebook and fake-write it down.
31. Can't draw? That's okay! Shitty scribbles are all the rage.
32. Wear one of those pointless hats that sit rolled up on top of your head and do absolutely nothing to contain warmth.
33. Swap AirPods for classic over the head headphones.
34. The Breakfast Club, Eternal Sunshine, The Godfather
and Ferris Bueller's Day Off are just a few of your favourite films.
35. Listen to Desert Island Discs and Radio 4.
36. Get an Aeropress.
37. Taking photos of your meals to put on Instagram is lame. Don't do it.
38. Drink beer or IPA. Pick the most obscure flavour and pretend you love it.
Everyone knows they taste like shit.
39. Eat bao buns with kimchi.
In fact, what's stopping you from making your own kimchi?
40. Of all the festivals, you must go to Boomtown.
The others are too mainstream.
41. Buy a SodaStream.
42. Microdose shrooms.
43. Start cycling everywhere. Going to Scotland? Cycle there.
Morocco? Just cycle.
44. Get yourself an orange LaCie rugged hard drive.
45. Make sure you don't travel anywhere without one of those Swedish waterproof backpacks.
46. Always roll your trousers up.
47. Get a signet ring. The bigger, the golder, the bolder, the better.
Wear it on your pinkie.
48. Get offended when someone doesn't like an idea of yours. Take it personally. Have a little cry. There's no one like you.