How to spot
1. Order your latte 'wet' when asked. This will not only demonstrate that you are a coffee guru; but it will make you appear cultured and dignified.
2. Replace your love of fizzy drinks with macha tea (the fresh powder from Whole Foods or Planet Organic, not
the pre-packaged stuff).
3. Sprinkle everything with flax seeds. If these aren't to your liking, try pomegranate molasses.
4. Learn to say 'fuck' at any given opportunity. The use of profanities also allows you to fool people into thinking you are passionate about your ideas. If you’re feeling extra bold, go with ‘cunt’ instead.
5. Watch TED videos on YouTube. Then boast about the fact that you watch TED videos on YouTube. It will make people think you spend your free time expanding your inquisitive mind.
6. Start conversations with 'Have you seen [insert name of documentary here]'?
If you haven't watched any lately, a safe bet is 'To Catch a Killer'. Heated conversation will ensue.
7. Get a reusable, glass, charcoal-infused water bottle.
8. Buy some spectacles. However, don't select a pair with the brand's logo on the side. This is not what creatives do. Creatives like to keep you guessing.
9. Get very, very angry (possibly violent) whenever you see Comic Sans in public.
10. Start collecting something. Anything. How about one of the following:
Vintage comic books
Rubber ducks from foreign lands
Books on vegan living
Terracotta pots that look like you've stolen them but actually you bought them for £50
11. Vape. Cigarettes are disgusting.
12. No matter the time or distance, always cycle to your destination. Preferably your bike is teal, salmon or a pistachio colour with delicate handle bars. It should cost you over £1000. Only then will your peers take you seriously.
13. Everyone eats avocados. You are not everyone. You are different and special. Adopt a new favourite healthy thing. Why not try pears? Pears are underrated. They deserve some time in the spotlight.
14. Start collecting spices like zaatar and harissa.
15. Walk around a famous gallery at the weekend - get frustrated at how shit everything is.
16. Spend all your money on plants.
17. Delete your Facebook account. Privatize you Instagram account. Hate TikTok.
18. Invest in mis-matched dinner plates. Collect imperfect bowls.
19. Host kimchi parties on the weekends.
20. When you can't think of any ideas - that's okay - just play ping pong.
21. Drink out of metal straws only. Keep one in your Swedish satchel.
22. Learn what 'kerning' means.
23. Run the London Marathon.
24. Do your trainers look scruffy? Good. You must appear to lead a thrilling, adventure-filled life.
25. Pick one:
You either have no tattoos (because un-marked skin is so much purer and less common),
or you're covered in body art. If you choose the latter, one must be of a swallow - in honour of your late grandfather.
Or, it should be something totally hilarious and insignificant, like a skeleton on a skateboard
drinking a can of Vimto, perhaps.
26. Listen to a Tribe Called Quest
27. Creatives always have great socks on. If you're a guy - borrow your girlfriend’s.
28. Get yourself a reusable coffee cup.
29. Don't go anywhere without a tote bag.
30. Pretend you're getting an idea even when you're not. Pick up a Moleskin notebook and fake-write it down.
31. Can't draw? That's okay! Shitty scribbles are really fashionable at the moment.
32. Never say 'think outside the box'.
33. Swap AirPods for classic SONY headphones.
34. The Breakfast Club, Birdman, The Godfather and Ferris Bueller's Day Off
are just a few of your favourite things to watch.
35. Listen to Desert Island Discs and Radio 4.
36. You love your mum. All creatives adore their mothers.
37. Taking photos of your meals to put on Instagram is sad. Don't do it. It is very 'basic'.
38. Drink beer or IPA. Pick the most obscure flavour and pretend you love it.
39. Eat bao buns regularly.
40. Of all the festivals, you must go to Boomtown - not the others. The others are too mainstream.
41. Buy a SodaStream.
42. Adopt a love of Gin.
43. Start cycling everywhere. Going to Scotland? Cycle there. Going to Morocco? Just cycle.
44. Get yourself an orange LaCie rugged hard drive.
45. Make sure you don't travel anywhere without one of those Swedish waterproof minuscule backpacks.
46. Always roll your trousers up.
47. Get a signet ring. The bigger, the golder, the bolder, the better. Wear it on your pinkie.
48. Get offended when someone doesn't like an idea of yours. Take it personally. Cry.
Illustrations by Milan Abad.