Things I  

noticed about New York.

1. Every cab smells like Lynx mixed with curry.

2. In order to flag down a cab, you have to stand in the middle of the road, and commit to potentially being run over. The likelihood is you'll get ignored.

3. Their pizzas are more leaning towards cakes.

4. When you ask for a piece of grilled chicken, they give you two. This applies to all foods. Everything comes in twos.

5. One dollar notes are silly. They make you think you're rich because your wallet is heavy and bursting - when really you have $8.

6. You will buy more than you need, just because it's easy to get lured in. You will go to the till and realise you've forgotten that prices are not inclusive of VAT. You will repeat this mistake several times and each time, you will be shocked.

7. Ordering your salad dressing 'on the side' is a big thing over there. You will begin to do this too.

8. Shop assistants are really good at pretending they're always happy and that they care to know the answer to 'how are you today?' This makes you want to hurt them. It will make you feel uncomfortable. In fact, this is when you will start to ignore them entirely.

9. Number 8 means that, for a British person, you're immediate reaction is to want to run out the door as quick as you walked in.

10. The city never sleeps. Chinese at 4am is acceptable. 

11. It's hard to not look at a 'cop' and laugh. You will witness them walking around with a Krispy Cream in hand. The doughnut/cop thing is real and you will never know for certain if they are playing along with the stereotype to please tourists. Which it does.

12. Even when you think you're being healthy, you're not. Even the lettuce has hidden calories. Estimate the amount of calories that are in an item, and then triple that amount. That will be close to accurate.

13. If you're British, you WILL be asked to recite several impromptu sentences to an over-enthusiastic American person who 'just loves your accent.'

14. Americans will ask you if you know Prince Harry, if you really do have tea at 4pm and if Harry Potter  is a friend. This is fun at first, and then it is not fun.

15. New York pigeons shit brown stuff, not white.

16. 8/10 people wear New Balance sneakers.

17. New York shops go as follows: Foot Locker, Duane Reade, Foot Locker, McDonalds, Foot Locker, Duane Reade, Subway, and repeat in various orders.

18. Do not, under any circumstances, mention Trump.

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